I Want to Blog but I Don't Want to Complain

Thursday, October 17, 2013

(Editor's note: I wrote this post 3 days ago and have been debating on whether or not to post it but here goes nothing.)

I was emailing today with my friend Kristen, who asked me what was new and why haven't you been blogging lately?

And I told her, I want to blog but I don't want to complain. Light bulb! the perfect post title.

I've been trying to formulate this catch-up post in my head about what's been going on lately, but the spare seconds I have to do such have been spent staring at the back of my eyelids. I hesitate to even write this next sentence because duh, everyone is, but the truth is... I'm just plain tired.

Neither of my children have been sleeping well lately, which is a real bummer. Molly was sort of late on the sleep-through-the-night scene (even though it was manageable for so long), but we were getting really close to There, with had one glorious night of 12 hours' sleep (her first ever), and then bam. Back to square one, thanks to a pesky cough. Jules Jerkins, my sleep-loving baby, has been really going through it lately. If I'm honest, it's been several months of "going through it." Bedtime has become such an ordeal, and nighttime wakings are expected. Some of this is probably (obviously) related to taking away her paci a few weeks ago. All I know is, we have GOT to make a change and figure this out. It will most likely involve a good amount of crying, I imagine. I have just been praying over their little bodies every night...for restorative sleep for all of us, security in their surroundings and in us as their parents (and ultimately, the Father).

I just do not function well on 4-5 hours/sleep. I wish I did (SO BAD! SO SO BAD!). Household chores are suffering, meal planning is haphazard at best, and we are trying to put energy into keeping up with our D.R. budget. I feel like I have no time to read, no time to blog, no desire to bake (a usual hobby)...peaceful home recreation time is sparse when my oldest does not get to sleep until 9 PM, and I need to deal with pumping/bottle-making, etc. before bed. And I'm trying to not be too hard on myself, because duh, I have two little children and work a long day outside the home.

See? Complaining? No one wants to come here for this. But it's life.

On the other hand, our family foursome is having more fun than ever. Molly is sitting up, crawling, and even pulled up a few nights ago. She is more engaged with Jules than ever before! Juliette is just enthralling us with her comprehension, her sentences, her memory, her singing!  It's just really so FUN being together, despite the bleary-eyed afternoons! We have had lots of time with Daddy this month, which is always welcome and treasured.

As Jonathan's journey is entering the end of phase 2, I have been really thinking on what I want to be when I grow up. Phase 3 may potentially take us to a whole new city, a place where I would have a fresh start to possibly pursue whatever it is I want to really be (even if it's a full-time mom). I'm thinking and praying on these things, and trying to not let seeds of self-doubt and self-deprecation cloud my judgment in discerning what it is I was put on this earth to do.

With that, I say happy Thursday! (We got a new nephew yesterday! There is nothing in this world like the day a baby is born.)

3 comments:

  1. How come no one prepared us for all this grown-uping?I feel your pain and your joy. Life is bittersweet. I am looking forward to you living in LR (wink, wink) and becoming whatever it is you decide you want to be. In the mean time, I like when you blog.

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  2. Girl, don't be so hard on yourself. You are an amazing mother and soon... very soon (well, maybe not very soon...) this little phase of craziness will pass. (says the girl who is about to enter into craziness with 2 as well—you'll need to remind me of that truth soon as well ;)

    Keep blogging ;)

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  3. I have a feeling that lots of mamas (myself included) will be encouraged by this post rather than feeling like you're complaining! There's a big difference between saying "this season is challenging and it is kicking my butt" and complaining about it. You're a great mama, Les, and I think you're doing a great job of savoring the sweetness in a challenging season of life. Meal planning, household chores, baking, blogging...you'll find a groove with all of those things in good time. Heck, I think Rhett was close to one before he was sleeping through the night and I had the occasional thought of, "Oh hey, I think life is starting to feel normal again!" And that's with being home full time with a hubby who has a normal 8-5 job! So yeah...give yourself a hefty dose of grace and know that this too shall pass. Love you, friend!

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