Good, Good, Good, Good Intentions

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

We have all heard the phrase, “the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.”

There are some days when I feel like that phrase is talking about me. I have so many ideas…intend to do so many things. And yes, they are all good and all positive things. Fold the laundry. Meal-plan (healthfully, at that). Clean the kitchen floors weekly. Plant things in my yard. Blog (!). Have regular quiet times (guilty). EXERCISE. I even intend and think about how I’d like to be in more regular/constant prayer for my family, friends, and those that are hurting.

But it (oftentimes) doesn’t happen.

I feel like I am my own worst enemy at doing better. Being more—“All things to all people.” Um, something like that.

I am late, forget to send emails and put things in the dryer, seem to always be low on groceries, or realize a week has passed and I still haven’t done ____ that I told so-and-so I would do. And Mommydom? Yipes. I am terrified that when Juliette gets older and starts depending on me for knowledge, I will absolutely blow it. What if I forget to tell her about Michael Jackson? Or the concept of dialing a rotary phone? Will she always be the kid whose mom forgot it was Abraham Lincoln Day or whatever (unfortunately, she has already been the baby at day care whose mom forgot the Lindenwood onesie for the baby class photo. yes, there were tears involved [mine])?

Instead of beating myself up anymore…I want to confess it. I AM INADEQUATE. I cannot do this on my own, in my own way. I am deficient. I need grace. I need Jesus. I need the Holy Spirit to walk with me, and teach me and guide my steps.

If nothing else, feeling this way is a good reminder that this world is not our home. And despite its many beauties and blessings, that makes me glad.

7 comments:

  1. YES! I was feeling this today as I read the blog of a friend who is due at the same time as me and has already packed her firstborn's Easter basket and planned his late-May bday party.

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  2. Leslie, thank you for posting this! I needed to read it. Although I am not a mother yet, I feel so inadequate at times as I prepare to be a wife. I don't always have lots of food in the fridge, I never seem to have time to clean my hair off the bathroom floor, sometimes I don't want to cook and just eat cereal for dinner. He's going to discover all this when we get married! But, you are so right. We need grace, we need Jesus, He loves us inspite of our inadequacies.

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  3. Might I remind you of this: http://lesliepoe.blogspot.com/2011/11/saucers-plates-and-platters.htm

    And that you have a husband in medical school.

    There will never be enough hours in the day to get it all done. Be happy for that - it keeps us moving ahead, making goals, striving to do better and to take time to reflect; Jules will learn these things from you.

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  4. Wish there was a "like" button for Blogger.
    LIKE!

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  5. you ring so many bells for me-and though I know we believe differently, I, too, have learned how important it is to let myself be just as I am--human, and so imperfect--and to realize that I'm never going to get to a place where I make it all work. it's always learning, growing, letting things be, letting things go--which I am often SO bad at, but when the big things happen in life (death, cancer), I am able to see clearly what the priorities and important things are.

    and it seems clear to me that you are doing them. I think we SMS girls are pretty bad at cutting ourselves slack :)

    you are loved, lady!

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