We have all heard the phrase, “the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.”
There are some days when I feel like that phrase is talking about me. I have so many ideas…intend to do so many things. And yes, they are all good and all positive things. Fold the laundry. Meal-plan (healthfully, at that). Clean the kitchen floors weekly. Plant things in my yard. Blog (!). Have regular quiet times (guilty). EXERCISE. I even intend and think about how I’d like to be in more regular/constant prayer for my family, friends, and those that are hurting.
But it (oftentimes) doesn’t happen.
I feel like I am my own worst enemy at doing better. Being more—“All things to all people.” Um, something like that.
I am late, forget to send emails and put things in the dryer, seem to always be low on groceries, or realize a week has passed and I still haven’t done ____ that I told so-and-so I would do. And Mommydom? Yipes. I am terrified that when Juliette gets older and starts depending on me for knowledge, I will absolutely blow it. What if I forget to tell her about Michael Jackson? Or the concept of dialing a rotary phone? Will she always be the kid whose mom forgot it was Abraham Lincoln Day or whatever (unfortunately, she has already been the baby at day care whose mom forgot the Lindenwood onesie for the baby class photo. yes, there were tears involved [mine])?
Instead of beating myself up anymore…I want to confess it. I AM INADEQUATE. I cannot do this on my own, in my own way. I am deficient. I need grace. I need Jesus. I need the Holy Spirit to walk with me, and teach me and guide my steps.
If nothing else, feeling this way is a good reminder that this world is not our home. And despite its many beauties and blessings, that makes me glad.